Some people, honestly! (Not us though) …

Hello everyone …

OMG. I just cannot believe how sensitive some people are!

I’ll give you an example … I was recently engaged in a very private and confidential conversation with a close friend, which just happened to be taking place smack bang in the middle of Tesco’s (other supermarkets are available).

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Ok. I admit it, we were discussing a mutual casual acquaintance but I absolutely deny we were gossiping, although the late great novelist Joseph Conrad once wrote that gossip is what no one claims to like but everyone enjoys and I would have to agree with that.

And so, my friend was asking me about the latest antics of the aforementioned mutual casual acquaintance whom, for the purposes of this exercise and to conserve her anonymity, I shall call Viper Mouth. Not very politically correct, I know, but it’s an accurate description nonetheless as she is literally unkind to everyone.

I would normally go out of my way to be nice to someone, indeed anyone, who has any kind of disadvantage but this ghastly little woman is really horrible to absolutely everyone. I have unofficially diagnosed her as having small man syndrome which, incidentally, I have not come across before in a woman which explains the name.

Anyway, my friend and I were talking, still in Tesco’s, when I happened to mention that I had seen Viper Mouth earlier on that day, dressed like a hooker from the 1980’s when someone leapt out from behind the breakfast cereal aisle shouting “Like THIS you mean?”

Yep, you’ve guessed it … there she was, in all her shoulder padded glory, Viper Mouth herself in full attack mode! She then made a complete show of herself, and of us. Serves us right I suppose. Funny though, how it’s so wrong when Viper Mouth is nasty but yet it seemed quite innocent when we were.

Although in mitigation, ours was to a much lesser degree and completely without malice. Nothing more than a social commentary really …

Elizabeth x

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

All you need is love?

Hi everyone! Hope this finds you happy and well, and with lots of love in your life.

Today I thought I would touch on that very subject – love, the romantic kind, a complicated subject at the best of times in my experience.

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For little old cynical me, I think my best friend Lucy summed it up best when she said “They start off as your lover and then gradually morph into your opponent”.

But before that … you hopefully get to enjoy the honeymoon period, so called because it is the most blissful, some may say naive, time at the beginning of a brand new relationship. Enjoying each others company and getting to know one another better, with each partner still on their best behaviour to a degree, and keen to maintain a good impression, if their eventual aim is to enter a long term exclusive relationship and build a future together.

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I’ve read that this honeymoon period is a relatively brief era lasting up to approximately three months although that sounds like quite a long time to me. As a hypercritical Virgo, and having analysed his body language and even his micro expressions, I’m already finding fault after, say, three weeks?

And based on the assumption that men fall in love with what they see, and women fall in love with what they hear, it then becomes obvious how hard it is to keep the magic going. Because surely, after the honeymoon period, HE will be seeing her at her worst on occasions and SHE will often be multi-tasking on automatic pilot and not even listening to him.

Now throw into the mix some children, a mortgage, and all the other expenses that just the very act of living incurs and life can get REALLY tricky, and it’s difficult to keep that love burning as hot as ever. It takes a lot of patience, compromise and real true love to overcome all that life throws at you, and an enormous amount of effort and will power to stay together.

But hey, better the devil you know? Only you can decide.

Elizabeth x

 

 

 

 

 

I really love ewe …

Hello everyone …

I love to absorb new information, facts, figures and trivia about anything and everything and there is a fascinating article in the Daily Mail today which caught my attention:

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-1356069/Sheep-intelligent-make-executive-decisions.html

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Having had a reputation for not being very bright it now turns out that sheep are, in fact, exceptionally bright. Apparently they are capable of making executive decisions, recognising the faces of other sheep and humans (even from photographs) and can remember people for up to two years.

And, even more amazing, they can even pass psychological tests that monkeys would fail!

Who knewe?

Bless their little hearts … and yours,

Elizabeth x

Breaking the ice habit …

Hello everyone!

My friend Jefferson has been feeling a bit lethargic of late, and has felt for some time that he had a cold starting but it’s never amounted to anything more.

The strange thing is he is ‘addicted’ to ice and only ever drinks ice cold drinks, and LOTS of them, and never ever has warm or hot drinks.  Literally, without exception, every single drink he has is ice cold – that’s just been his personal preference.

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I know that the Chinese were the first to discover that drinking ice cold water, especially after a meal, is bad for your health as it can adversely affect the digestion process. It’s because the ice cold liquid constricts the digestive tract, making the digestive process more difficult and therefore the body then doesn’t get the proteins and nutrients needed for other organs to function properly.

So, by drinking ice cold drinks, the whole body is affected.

The optimum temperature for body enzymes to work best is 37 – 42 degrees Celsius and when you drink ice cold liquid the process of your body warming up the liquid requires a substantial amount of energy which was supposed to be allocated for processing proteins and nutrients, thereby aiding more effective digestion. As a result of this energy being diverted you also feel tired sooner.

Also, very cold liquid leads to solidified fat in the stomach which requires the body to use even more energy to break it down.

And ice cold drinks can also add unnecessary stress to both tissues and blood vessels which in turn hinders the functioning of the circulatory system.

Ultimately, over a period of time and certainly after a meal, drinking ice cold drinks can lead to multiple problems including indigestion, excess mucus production (hence Jefferson often feeling as though he has a cold starting) which in turn can weaken your immunity system.

Who knew?

Get well soon Jefferson!

Elizabeth x

 

I should never have barged into that canal …

Hi everyone!

I have another fascinating fact of the day for you, although this one might be fascinating only to me. I don’t think the rest of you will be fascinated by it much … maybe just a little repulsed for which I can only apologise in anticipation. Sorry.

Ok, there’s no easy way to say this so I’ll just stand up and blurt it out:

My name is Elizabeth and I didn’t clean my ears for more than fifty years.

Whaaaaat? I hear you say.

Yes, it’s true.

But why? I hear you shout.

Because I just completely forgot they were there, that’s why. I’ve just been so busy with other things and must have got distracted from them early on. And yes, before you ask, every other part of me IS immaculate. Pruned, plucked and pristine thankyou.

I first really noticed my ears just last year and, having realised that I had neglected them terribly, thought I would give them a good pampering session, inside and out, with an ultra soft aloe vera wet wipe and a handful of cotton buds to make up for lost time – but lo and behold …

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… I cannot, at any time during my life, recall having problems with my ears. Until now.

Ever since I cleaned them (ok, messed about with them) I have suffered from ear ache and occasional slight dizziness when standing. I think I’ve upset the equilibrium of my ears somehow. Maybe they are meant to be self cleaning, similar to hair?

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Actually, I read that because most shampoo is full of chemicals it can strip hair of its natural oils. If you stop using shampoo then your hair sort of self cleans itself but not in a conventional sense – it’s simply that your scalp eventually regulates its oil production. I kinda think there must be a happy medium to be found here though, somewhere between pouring on harsh chemicals and not.

Anyway, I’ve visited my doctor and he examined my ears quite thoroughly and apparently everything looks fine – so what I think I really need is a visit to an ear salon, so they can be properly pampered professionally, but it seems that has yet to be invented!

Now then, I see on Google it says that ear cleaning for healthy ears isn’t necessary apparently – our ears DO have a self-cleaning process which closely resembles a conveyor belt – they are designed to move old earwax through the ear canal by chewing and other jaw movements, and once the old earwax reaches the outside of the ear it dries up and flakes off. Clearly highly efficient (but not very attractive).

So I have come to the conclusion that my ears are probably best left alone … or maybe just cleaned every fifty years!

Enjoy your day,

Elizabeth x

 

 

 

Please be kind to yourself …

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Do not regret

That which you’ve done

For things you’ve done

Can never be changed –

The days between birth and death

Are few

And all have been pre arranged.

I wrote this many years ago, when I was still in my twenties, and it was published at the time in a book of contemporary poetry, a copy of which I still have somewhere. I believed it to be true back then as life was pretty much perfect all round and, apart from the loss of my beloved great grandparents, I hadn’t really suffered any major losses of any kind.

Forty years on however, are my sentiments the same in this regard? No, I don’t think they are actually, and realistically neither could they be as I now have plenty of regrets, and naturally some are more painful than others.

Occasionally, once in a blue moon, I will take the time to revisit said occasions in my mind. I try to be as honest as possible, as it is tempting to edit some of these re-runs if they are particularly unpalatable to watch, but I have learned that the more times I visit them the less painful they become.

A kind of desensitising process takes place if you will but that is not the aim of the game … I keep revisiting to ensure that I have learned every possible lesson that can or could be learned so that a kind of inoculation process can take place – a self medicated vaccine to protect me emotionally should a similar eventuality ever arise.

It may all take place at a snails’ pace but it IS moving on nevertheless.

Please be kind to yourself,

Elizabeth x

Is it a poodle or a pony in that box?

Hi everyone, and firstly may I say a huge thankyou to you all for taking the time to read my ramblings and secondly a big welcome to my blog for my new followers. Thankyou!

Every time I discover I have a new follower it reminds me of Christmas Day and that sense of wondrous anticipation and excitement which lingers in the air prior to opening ones’ presents.

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Even as a child this was one of my favourite times, savouring the moments BEFORE opening any of my gifts. I’ve since seen children frantically ripping the festive paper from each one before immediately discarding the contents by practically throwing it over their shoulders in their haste to move on to the next – but for me the most exquisite time, a time to be relished, was in the seconds before I carefully removed the wrapping paper, neatly folded it and then gently set it to one side just in case I ever needed it (unlikely), or perhaps someone else would need it at some point (even more unlikely).

I confess that I was considered an eccentric child even as an infant. My Mother once told me that I used to go to sleep in my cot laying on my back with one arm pointing straight up to the sky and occasionally one leg too. My Mother explained that whenever close family or friends came to visit and asked to see the baby she had to first dash upstairs to make me presentable by lowering my arm and leg, as was often required apparently, so that her visitors didn’t think I was strange or even deformed.

And even now, (this is top secret, strictly entre nous and must go no further) I occasionally love to go to sleep with one arm in the air, stiff as a board – my arm just sort of locks into place and I find it very comforting somehow. I don’t do it with my leg though, that would just be odd!

As I grew I then developed an appetite for eating brown paper bags – don’t ask me why but I thought they were delicious. I really liked the old fashioned ones best, sprinkled with vinegar. And if we ever had a fish and chip supper I would always prefer the salty vinegary paper to the actual fish and chips – in fact that would be the only time I would eat white paper but brown … yummy, that would have been my diet 24/7 if I had been allowed.

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Now, couple all of that with the fact that I was obsessed by just two things as a nine year old child – ballet and Cilla Black. I attended as many ballet classes as I was allowed, wore my ballet shoes around the house at all times, walked on pointy toes pretty much everywhere (even though I wasn’t allowed) and wandered around singing ‘Anyone who had a heart’ and ‘You’re my world’ spontaneously creating the soundtrack to my childhood.

I can remember breaking into a song and dance routine once (Cilla + Ballet) in the middle of a large department store as my Mother stood chatting to a friend she had bumped into – my Mother was so accustomed to this, and so engrossed in her conversation, that she no longer paid attention … until my little sister started shouting “Booooo, rubbish, get off” and throwing broken biscuits at me. It was on this very day, once we got home, that my Mother put paid to my blossoming singing career by telling me that she had given me life and she could just as easily take it away if I didn’t stop. Probably just as well as I could feel myself veering towards Shirley Bassey at that point and she’s quite loud and needs a lot of arm room to practise and perform.

Anyway, back to Christmas Day … as a psychologist I have naturally analysed myself a zillion times hoping to one day fashion the most perfect possible version of me. Is this a vanity project or a lost cause or perhaps something in between the two? I haven’t established that yet. I prefer to think that by analysing myself, and by being scrupulously honest, I am honing my skill set further to sympathetically and successfully analyse my clients.

Which reminds me that many years ago, when I started training as a counsellor, the first homework I was given was thus:

Submit fifty phrases, each containing just three words or less, which are non-judgemental but which reassure your subject that you are listening and understanding what is being said.

I started off well, as I assume most people would, with phrases such as:

“Oh, I see”

“Yes, I understand”

Blah blah blah etc.

But by the time I got to phrase 48 I was at a complete loss for new material.

And so Phrase 48 was “You don’t say” …

Phrase 49 “Get outta here” …

and Phrase 50 was “F**k right off”.

Upon examining my paper, my tutor informed me that she felt my style was more suitable to Los Angeles rather than Lowestoft, and that was the end of that particular course.

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Honestly though, in mitigation, it’s not as easy as one might imagine – just try it and see. It becomes quite difficult before you even hit half way!

Anyway, back to Christmas day again … even at that young age I had already worked out that the presents sitting before me could, in fact, contain anything at all (subject to the parameters of my imagination) right up until the point I actually opened them. As my sister screamed like a banshee and threw mounds of crumpled and torn wrapping paper everywhere I was perfectly happy to just sit there staring at this beautiful magical pile of surprises yet to unfold.

For example, in my mind, that heavy looking pink and silver parcel tied tightly with silver ribbon might contain a real live poodle, or perhaps a pony even. Anything was possible, right up until I opened it. I can, to this day, remember opening it slowly in case a dog or a pony jumped out – I needn’t have worried. It was actually a Petite Junior De Luxe Typewriter (which gives an indication of the size of the box that I thought a pony may have been waiting in) but I was over the moon with it and my love of reading and writing accelerated from that day forward.

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Such a wonderfully thoughtful and inspirational gift for a young girl with a vivid imagination and I am eternally grateful!

Enjoy your day, and thankyou all so much for making mine by following me,

Elizabeth x

My ‘To Do This Decade’ list …

Hello everyone, and I hope this finds you all happy and well.

As I mentioned before, I have been doing these arm toning exercises for several weeks now – nothing too  energetic, and I’m only using 0.5kg weights as I’m just a beginner, but already I can see a definite improvement!

I really like this particular trainer too as she seems super nice and is very easy to understand and follow. And these exercises are really working for me.

Already I have gone from bingo wings to bing wings and pretty soon I expect to bin my wings altogether. Yay!

So, below are some of my main goals on my To Do This Decade list (I don’t like to rush lol):

Stop smoking – check.

After smoking for more than thirty years this was a biggy for me – I had stopped twice before actually (once for a year and once for eight years) but then stupidly started again. This time it’s almost three years since I last had a cigarette and yes, every now and then (particularly after dinner) I still want one but I came to the conclusion (several times over) that it’s ridiculously stupid of me personally to continue smoking into my old age as I have had pneumonia twice before (and smoked throughout it, even though it was a painful struggle – now surely THAT is the definition of an addict. Unbelievably stupid).

Become vegetarian – check.

This is because I truly believe that if abattoirs were made of glass then no empathetic human would or could eat meat. My decision is also based upon the fact that meat does not seem to suit my digestive system as I have grown older – I always feel so completely full, bloated and sluggish afterwards. Not good. But this is and fortunately I love it:

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Lose weight – working on it.

Yes, this is indeed a work in progress. And yes, I have definitely started to lose weight. I wanted to lose a stone and I have dropped a dress size so I think I am probably about half way. I never weigh myself, I just gauge it from the clothes that I wear ie. what size are they and are they too tight. Primitive, I know, but this works for me.

Get in shape – getting there.

So far I’m doing my jowl exercises, my arm exercises, cycling for my legs, planking for my core and now I have discovered a brand new challenge which apparently is supposed to be super effective in many ways. And you don’t need any equipment or lots of space to do it in. What could it be?

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Standing on one leg, that’s what! I think it’s called The One Leg Stance exercise if you want to Google it. And according to a really interesting article in the Daily Mail today …

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-2956179/Can-standing-balance-one-leg-help-young-balance-offers-insight-general-health.html

… the ability to balance on one leg is an important test for brain health too, according to Dr Yasuharu Tabara, associate professor of genomic medicine at Kyoto University, Japan.

Continue to educate myself more regarding self help – check. I am currently reading as much as I can to explore many different avenues in my quest for overall self improvement – please check out my ‘Self help books’ section to discover lots of information which I have found helpful.

Anyway, bye for now as I must dash – it’s a beautiful day here in Norfolk and I’m off to play with my dogs in the sunshine.

Have a lovely day, Elizabeth x

 

 

 

Are you a creaser or a melter?

Hello everyone, how’s it hanging?

Now then, I’ve heard that there are basically just two types of faces as you age – creasers and melters.

A creaser apparently develops lines and has facial skin similar to that of Sid James (to varying degrees of course).

A melter, however, has very few lines but their facial skin is sagging. This makes me think that it is easier to improve the appearance of a melter (either by exercise or, more radically, by cosmetic procedures) rather than that of a creaser for obvious reasons.

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With this in mind, I was mooching around on YouTube again and came across this video for those of you who (like me) are melters:

 

 

Nothing ventured, nothing gained and so I will be adding this to my daily exercise regimen for the foreseeable future … and hope to see some positive results. I shall let you know …

Elizabeth x

Shut up you fool, just shut up.

 

“I’ve never felt this scared in my whole life”.

“It’s so brutal”.

“This is a battlefield”.

“We’re at war”.

“I am literally fighting for my life”.

The above are all quotes which you might think accompanied the truly harrowing battlefield scenes in a recent episode of the most excellent television dramatisation of ‘Vanity Fair’. Or from the brilliant new thought provoking film ‘Hostiles’, which I watched at the weekend. Or perhaps from the coverage of some terrible tragedy featured on the news. But no, none of these and nothing like that.

These are, in fact, the sentiments openly expressed by some of the latest batch of mainly completely deluded individuals who are contestants in the long past it’s sell by date (in my opinion) X Factor.

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I find their comments hugely insulting to those who carry out really difficult and unpalatable tasks every day in their chosen professions, for example the military, the police, health sector workers, carers etc.  And I personally think that the whole lot of them need a good dose of actual reality and should be assigned to serve compulsory military service, for at least a year … and then let’s ask those greedy self obsessed fools how brutal they really think singing on a TV show is!

Enjoy your day,

Elizabeth x